2003 - The Room

I watched "The Room"....which is starring, written by, directed by, produced by, and completely funded by Tommy Wiseau. I'm not kidding.

Okay, first of all, I'm going to highly suggest that you read Pajiba's (a movie review website I frequent) review of this film. They pretty much sum it up with this quote:

"To say The Room is a “bad” film is like saying that the Grand Canyon is big or the sun is hot. It’s just almost impossible to find the right words to encompass the sheer awesomeness of the phenomenon. Saying that The Room is the worst film of all time comes a little closer, but still doesn’t even begin to crack the surface."

and:

"The Room is a film that is just so fundamentally terrible in every single facet of its being that it somehow has transcended into a thing of wonder. The only way anyone can really even begin to understand it is to experience it for oneself."

Seriously, please read this review because I cannot even begin to review this film correctly:

http://www.pajiba.com/film_reviews/the-room-review.php

And I'm going to leave you with my notes I took during my viewing of "The Room". They include some of the more awesome quotes. You have to imagine a very unattractive, possibly French man saying it in broken English and a thick accent. And please? Just watch the film. Everyone needs to experience "The Room" once in their life.

Random Thoughts:

-Oh. My. Lord. I am 3 minutes into this movie and already dying. I have never seen a movie this bad in my life.
-I need to bleach my eyes after the sex scenes.
-“I like you very much…LOVERBOY.” (Yes, she says it just like that.)
-Another sex scene already and we’re only 17 minutes it. Complete with bad porno music. Ugh.
-“Did you get your promotion?”
“No.”
“You didn’t get it, did you?”
-Sex scene number three at 26 minutes in. I don’t know if I can do this for another hour and a half. I cannot look at this guy’s ass anymore.
-Breast Cancer. Who knew it was no big deal?
-Sex scene number four at 30 minutes in. Seriously. A totally different couple than the one four minutes ago.
-“I did not hit her!! It’s not true! It’s bullshit!! I did not hit her!! I did not!!...Oh hi, Mark. What’s up?
-That is the most awkward football throwing ever.
-Why do they keep saying “future wife” and “future husband”, never “fiancé”. It wouldn’t be that weird if they didn’t say it so much.
-What one EARTH where those chicken noises Johnny keeps making?? Cheep Cheep Cheep!!
-“We got a new client. At the bank. Made a lot of money.”
“What client?”
“I cannot tell you. It is confidential.”
“Aw come on. Why not?”
“No, I can’t. Anyways, how’s your sex life?”
-1:05 – Sex scene number five. This is like a really bad porno. I’m really tired of this chick’s boobs.
-This is like the fifth “panning across the Golden Gate Bridge” shot they’ve thrown between scenes for no reason.
-AHH! Not even four minutes after the last, we almost have another sex scene. Thank God someone knocked on the door.
-HAHAHAHA. Johnny’s reaction while they sing “Happy Birthday” to him. I can’t even describe it.
-“Thank you, Holly. This is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends. Good thinking!”
-“Why don’t you come on up?”
“Sure, baby. I want your body”
-MAJOR SPOILER: Johnny is lying there with a bullet in his head when Lisa and Mark find him: “Wake up, Johnny! Come on!!” “Is he dead??” Seriously? HE HAS A BULLET IN HIS HEAD.

Verdict?
800 stars for sheer entertainment value. Negative a million for actual artistic value. You can't even rate this movie. It's so awesome and terrible at the same time, they just cancel each other out.